Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Public - 1:39 PM
The Metrosexual Male vs. Engineers vs. Construction Engineers
You may or may not know that I have another black tie event in LA this weekend. This means that either 1) I cannot go to the zoo w/you this weekend, or 2) I may be seeing you @ your old zoo this weekend.
In any case, Vice President Pat(ricia) pulled me aside and said, "James, no white socks with your tuxedo this Friday."
And I almost said to her, "Pat, don't worry, I've been exhibiting some metrosexual tendencies lately."
And I wanted to tell her that my back was just waxed not 15 hours ago, and that before Christmas I had a pedicure. And all these conflicting feelings were coming to a head inside of me and I just wanted to sit at my desk and cry on Sheet CU1.22, Water Profile for the Nellis AFB Hydrant Fuel System Project that we're bidding on. For I knew how well received even the fledgling symptoms of Metrosexuality would be received at Underground Construction. Even though Pat herself probably did womanly things like exfoliation and plucking, she could cuss like my old Equipment Operator Billy "Triple Bypass" Fisk.
But I didn't tell her that. "Pat, I'm *way* ahead of you."
She nodded her approval, turned to walk away. "Thanks, James."
"Thank *you*, Pat."
The engineer is a funny creature. Rather, a *funny looking* creature. To an engineer, clothing serves two purposes: Keep you warm, and Keep you decent. Anything else is a waste of time, money, and effort.
And I am inclined to agree. The trendiest thing I own is probably my tester bottle of Candie's for Men. After that, a loofa (sp?) I bought from Bath and Body Works in lovely Roseville, CA. That's it. A quick inspection of UC Berkeley's College of Engineering shows that many of the students there are wearing sweats and tattered old clothes which will not find you a mate as well as your Berkeley engineering degree will.
This is why I find my experimenting with Metrosexuality to be so naughty. I feel like I'm breaking some engineering taboo by wearing this belt from the Gap right now. I blame Petros, who I am told resembles Thom from Queer Eye. He, along with my roommate Lincoln are among the most metrosexualissimo. I would wonder why they don't get along with each other, given their similar values, but then again, I've known each of them for quite a few years now. They are each an acquired taste.
In any case, many times I will fall back on the engineering thing as a crutch. "James, that's an ugly shirt." "Well, I'm an engineer and therefore my mom buys my clothes." It's kinda like my old "i-went-to-an-all-boys-school" crutch. Helps explain away ineptitude. Yessir.
The fact of the matter is this: An engineer quite possibly may not know that he isn't to wear white socks w/a tuxedo. The fact that VP Pat had to go around telling us this was both charmingly amusing and shamefully embarassing at the same time. I honestly don't think she was kidding around. I think she actually thought we'd fuck up.
In the realm of engineers, there are my brethren, the Construction Engineers. We wear jeans and steel-toed boots. I have two pairs of steel-toes, both approved by OSHA and ANSI for use on the jobsite. But the one distinguishing article of clothing for a construction engineer is the Plaid Shirt.
A quick examination of the engineers around me reveal that all of them, save some of the guys who have been in the office for too long, are wearing plaid. I'm wearing a light blue plaid, the other new guy is wearing an orange plaid, my old Project Manager is wearing a gray plaid, and the engineer in the office next to mine, a brown/red plaid.
Every once in a while, I'll wear plaid and steel-toes to the zoo. Having your toenails painted blue in your boots is kinda like going up to the jobsite wearing panties. Very very naughty.
From the Home Office in lovely Benicia, CA...
James [last name deleted], EIT
ENGINEERING BADASSES (standing, L-R)
Errol, George, Rick, Chris, VP Pat, Dale
(seated)
Lynn
