Tio Jaime: Aleph One

Here in Benicia on a saturday night. Shit.

Well, guess to where I have earned a trip... heh

when you're doing a grading take-off, you break up your drawings into a grid of perhaps 10'x10' (28" x 40" drawings, scale accordingly). I have a grid of some 3,600 points. At each point, you find the original elevation and then the new elevation.

This is complicated somewhat when both contour lines are on the same drawing, the only difference being that the new contours are bold, the original contours somewhat faint.

I'm about a quarter of the way done.

And how's this for an Engineering Badass: I goddam figured out the 3-way calling on my company's phone. And now, instead of finishing my work on a saturday night, i'm chatting w/the boys on the phone.

Damn, I'm good

OK and now i gotta go and work...

all my love,

James

Didn't get fired today!!!

Damn, I'm good!

all my love,

Tio Jaime, EIT

Taking my first business trip tomorrow!

It was supposed to be Dayton, OH back in the first week of January, but they got somebody else who was gonna be in the area anyway to go. 

But tomorrow, oh yes!  The Day is Mine!

I get to go to Laytonville, CA to drop off a bid!

poke00210 = me!
adobobear = alex orquiza, filipino glockenspiel alum

****
adobobear: nen-gina!
poke00210: filipino dilemma
poke00210: $1.50/game @ albany bowl, or $2 drinks @ Hustler Club?
adobobear: hustler club definitely
adobobear: bowling is for a night out with the boys
adobobear: as is hustler
adobobear: but hustler, definitely
poke00210: OK dude, you know what's this "or" shit
poke00210: i'm going for "and" tonight
poke00210: OK baby, gonna play a couple of games of Silent Hill 2 before tonight....
poke00210: you complete me
adobobear: haha
adobobear: lates

It appears as if certain bankers are in fact more badass than a good many engineers...

--- Stacia (censored) <(censored)@FDS.com> wrote:
> 
> small detail for you.  in *my* banker days, i was
> working an average 14
> hours a day.  left at 7am, home around 10pm, which
> was just enough time to
> go to sleep so i could wake up the next morning and
> do it all again.  the
> earliest i ever recall getting home was 7:30pm.
> must be the bank branch type that get the 8-5 breezy
> stuff.  not to mention
> the extra federal holidays.  do you engineer types
> get superfluous holiday
> weekends like president's day and MLK days off??  it
> sadly is a foreign
> concept to the retail world.
> i miss that about school.  at least we had a few
> long weekends thrown in.
> :)
>
> Stacia (censored)
> Planner, Fine Gold & Pearls
> Macy*s West

I realized that the Life and Times series is archived on my friend's blog:

http://homepage.mac.com/acinerba/acinerblog/

scroll down and you can see the older dispatches from the Lovely Home Office in Benicia, CA

yours always,

the notorious j.a.m.e.s.

ps - mindy is hot

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JAMES [last name deleted], EIT

Few weeks back I was marvelling that when I called Ohio, I talked to two suppliers/subcontractors named Homer.  Before then, in my 25+ years I had never met anybody named Homer.

Last week, I was calling LA for some prices of valves.  I talked to a Cristelle.

Now, I just called Las Vegas, trying to find prices for some earthwork to be done.  I talked to a Denim.

If you liked the millenium-tastic version of "Ocean's Eleven", you'll remember Bernie Mac talking to the cowboy car salesman, "Billy Tim Denim.  Denim like the jean!"

Is northern California the only refuge from that which is strange and aptly named?  The Northern Californian I know w/the weirdest name is probably Petros.  And even then, he's from San Francisco.  Ask him.  He'll tell you he's a native. 

all my love,

James [last name deleted], EIT

OK so last night got a bit crazy, but to the best of my recollection, here's what I remember:

Mitch comes over with Patron, Grey Goose, Peppermint Schnapps.

Mitch, Lincoln, and I have Patron and Grey Goose as we watch an episode of "Airline" that new A&E reality show featuring Southwest Airlines.  Very good show.

I bust out the Fernet-Branca (complete with ginger ale back). 

We watch an episode of Aqua Teen Hungerforce.

I put Silent Hill 2 into Link's PS2.  Drinking game:  shot of fernet each time james screams like a little girl. 

Have now lost track of shots.

Lincoln puts in Colin McRae Rally 3, a driving game.  Drinking and driving doesn't necessarily work in video games either.

More Fernet-Branca.

OK and now we bust out the soft-core porn.  No penetration, just Heather Kozar (PMOY 1999) prancing around naked.  At one point she washes a car.  Kinda like that scene in Cool Hand Luke.

More Fernet-Branca, i put a hard hat on.  Why?  Because i work in construction.  Duh.

And now lincoln whips out the hard-core lesbian porn that i bought for him in Oregon (no sales tax!  special porn stores on I-5!).  Two leather clad chicks spanking each other.  Whoa.  OK now there are two chicks and one dude.

At this point, I have brought my laptop out to the living room so i can try to drunk e-mail people.  I realize that for some reason, this porn doesn't have the obligatory porn-music.  This distresses me.  So I call up the Benny Hill theme song on my laptop, pump it up, and tell lincoln to play the porn DVD at 2x. 

Oh man that was hilarious.  If you're confused, rent a Benny Hill video.

Fell asleep on my recliner.  Woke up before 4, realized that "shit, i gotta go to work in a few hours" went to my bed, *set my alarm* (damn i'm good) went to sleep.

And now i'm here at work.  Remind me to pick up some fernet-branca from BevMo on the way home tonight.

all my love,

The Notorious J.A.M.E.S.

The nicest thing about a New Weblog Entry?  My MIDI stops playing!

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JAMES [last name deleted], EIT

"Banker's Hours"

No engineer is exempt from this action.  I hesitate even to call it a sin, as there is *some* merit to it, and for the most part I wholly relish my participation in such fine, upstanding, engineer traditions. 

(Everybody on my HS speech and debate team thought i was going poly sci.  They were surprised to find I was an engineering type.  Unlike most of my engineering brethren and sistren, I can use big words and make English sound pretty.  Watch/listen/read and be amazed.  I'll be here all week.  And if your name starts with an "M" and ends in an "ichelleBranch" please feel free to throw your undergarments onstage.)

The hallowed tradition of which I speak is the Engineer's perception of what are called "Banker's Hours".  When I first heard the term, it was used by engineers to refer to the hours that the employees at Sound Transit (Puget Sound's regional transit agency) would keep during the week.  Usually this meant get to work around 830-9, leave around 430-5.  So probably awake at 7, asleep around midnight?  If you're Linda Sherman, Sound Transit Real Estate, then this doesn't apply to you...

In comparison: 

Engineer Hours 7am to 530/6pm.  Awake at 5am, asleep by 10.  Very similar to construction hours.  Works out very well if you're a construction engineer.  In-training.

Stripper Hours 7pm to 3am.  Awake at 3pm.  Asleep by 7am. 

I have since learned that "Banker's Hours" pretty much means "You get to work after an engineer does, and you probably leave before he/she does.  You lazy jerk."  I once made reference to coming into work at 8am:  "What, are you keeping Banker's Hours now?" my project manager asked me.  And I wanted to ask him, "How many bankers do you know that are awake and good-to-go at 8am?" but nobody likes a smart-ass EIT.

all my love,

James [last name deleted], EIT (CA#112257)

A little background information: 'Trose has a real name fetish, and I have a civvies fetish.

One time, I was leaving Larry's when Utah was coming on-shift. I wanted to buy a dance while she was still in her civvies. They wouldn't let her.

was talking to petros earlier this evening...
TioJaime: "That's what I want. I want a civvies dance!"
DonPedro: "It's called a girlfriend..."

OK.  The rankings have been released to a select few.  And these select few have been quick to point out some heinous errors in the accompanying e-mail...

   > From: Makiko (censored) <(censored)@yahoo.com>
   > Subject: Re: TIO JAIME'S POWER RANKINGS FOR W/E 18 JANUARY 2004
   > Sent: Jan 21 2004 15:14:15
   >
   >  James,
   > 
   >  Thanks for making me waste time out of my working day
   >  trying to figure out how Isis Love can have "sole
   >  possession of Third" while Kylee simultaneously "falls
   >  one place to Third". 
   > 
   >  Makiko

Shit.  Do you see what work does?  It distracts you from the goofing-off that you wanted to be doing @ the time. 

Ack!!  Work very busy! 

Real Quick...

no strep throat, so if you live w/me, it's OK to make out w/me when i've passed out because of the Fernet.

$3 Wednesday! 

Finally saw The Big Lebowski last night.  Last time I tried to watch, my friends were having issues and we had to leave.  That was in 1998.  If you were one of those friends, my days of saying to you, "It's your fault I haven't seen The Big Lebowski yet" are over and my days of saying to you "It's your fault I just recently saw The Big Lebowski" have begun.

It was a good movie, and I want to go bowling tonight. Unfortunately, the zoo is cheaper, prettier to look at and smells nicer.  You do the math.

Should be releasing Tio Jaime's Power Rankings for W/E 18 January today @ lunch.  Good for you if you're lucky enough to be deemed worthy of receiving them.  If not, there's probably good reason.  And anycrap, you'll thank me later.

LA was very nice (sorry i haven't blogged about that yet), met some rather charming women there.  Friends of friends. 

Will post new jimmy-picture tonight, some of you have already seen it...  hint: Laura the secretary from Seattle

All my love,

The Notorious J.A.M.E.S., EIT

Gonna have my tonsils swabbed for strep throat later today (5pm).

They're gonna have the test results before I leave, whereas Kaiser always took several days.  WTF, huh?

Boys, whenever a chick says to you--  and it doesn't fucking matter if she's your mom, sister, wife, or cute mexican/filipina waitress that you wanna get spanked by--  "I feel fatter today" and then proceeds to poke her stomach, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND RUN AWAY.

If you *must* say something, yell "I LOVE YOUR BIZNOOGAS, HOLY GEEZ I WANT TO LICK 'EM, PLEASE SEXUALLY VIOLATE ME IN FRONT OF YOUR GAY FUCKING PRICK OF A BOSS!"  And *then* run away.  Ideally, she will have forgotten that her fat-trap was set and your sneaky cock managed to squirm out of it.  Penis 1, Vagina 0. 

Oh, don't yell that line above if the woman in question is your mom or your sister.  Because that's just wrong.  Don't say the F-word in front of your fucking family, you fucktard...

In hindsight, I really wish I kept track of who has access to this blog.  Best not to read this @ work...  unless you work for Underground Construction Company, Inc. in lovely Benicia, CA...

Tio Jaime, Enjoneer-Een-Traineeng

Sweet Home Northern California
Where the skies aren't so brown
Sweet Home Northern California
With strep throat I'm coming down

Howdy all!!!

The Jimmy SoCal Tour 2K4 has come to a pleasant close, having been dropped off at lovely Echo Avenue where I unsleeped my PowerBook G4.

And now I have to poo. So I'll tell you all about LA later.

Oh, but I didn't drink as much as I could've because 1) could barely swallow dinner on Friday because I think i'm coming down with strep throat, and 2) shit, Dewars and Johnnie Walker? What the shit!

DUMPCON 2,
The Notorious J.A.M.E.S.
CA EIT #112257

http://www.ronanddon.com
http://1053thespy.com/

Ron and Don are now streamed from Grand Rapids, Michigan via Oklahoma City! God I haven't listened to these guys since Seattle! If you're lucky enough not to keep engineer hours, check these guys out

or if you're too lametastic to stream, i'll let you borrow my Ron and Don CD

all my love,
James, EIT

The Metrosexual Male vs. Engineers vs. Construction Engineers

You may or may not know that I have another black tie event in LA this weekend. This means that either 1) I cannot go to the zoo w/you this weekend, or 2) I may be seeing you @ your old zoo this weekend.

In any case, Vice President Pat(ricia) pulled me aside and said, "James, no white socks with your tuxedo this Friday."

And I almost said to her, "Pat, don't worry, I've been exhibiting some metrosexual tendencies lately."

And I wanted to tell her that my back was just waxed not 15 hours ago, and that before Christmas I had a pedicure. And all these conflicting feelings were coming to a head inside of me and I just wanted to sit at my desk and cry on Sheet CU1.22, Water Profile for the Nellis AFB Hydrant Fuel System Project that we're bidding on. For I knew how well received even the fledgling symptoms of Metrosexuality would be received at Underground Construction. Even though Pat herself probably did womanly things like exfoliation and plucking, she could cuss like my old Equipment Operator Billy "Triple Bypass" Fisk.

But I didn't tell her that. "Pat, I'm *way* ahead of you."

She nodded her approval, turned to walk away. "Thanks, James."

"Thank *you*, Pat."

The engineer is a funny creature. Rather, a *funny looking* creature. To an engineer, clothing serves two purposes: Keep you warm, and Keep you decent. Anything else is a waste of time, money, and effort.

And I am inclined to agree. The trendiest thing I own is probably my tester bottle of Candie's for Men. After that, a loofa (sp?) I bought from Bath and Body Works in lovely Roseville, CA. That's it. A quick inspection of UC Berkeley's College of Engineering shows that many of the students there are wearing sweats and tattered old clothes which will not find you a mate as well as your Berkeley engineering degree will.

This is why I find my experimenting with Metrosexuality to be so naughty. I feel like I'm breaking some engineering taboo by wearing this belt from the Gap right now. I blame Petros, who I am told resembles Thom from Queer Eye. He, along with my roommate Lincoln are among the most metrosexualissimo. I would wonder why they don't get along with each other, given their similar values, but then again, I've known each of them for quite a few years now. They are each an acquired taste.

In any case, many times I will fall back on the engineering thing as a crutch. "James, that's an ugly shirt." "Well, I'm an engineer and therefore my mom buys my clothes." It's kinda like my old "i-went-to-an-all-boys-school" crutch. Helps explain away ineptitude. Yessir.

The fact of the matter is this: An engineer quite possibly may not know that he isn't to wear white socks w/a tuxedo. The fact that VP Pat had to go around telling us this was both charmingly amusing and shamefully embarassing at the same time. I honestly don't think she was kidding around. I think she actually thought we'd fuck up.

In the realm of engineers, there are my brethren, the Construction Engineers. We wear jeans and steel-toed boots. I have two pairs of steel-toes, both approved by OSHA and ANSI for use on the jobsite. But the one distinguishing article of clothing for a construction engineer is the Plaid Shirt.

A quick examination of the engineers around me reveal that all of them, save some of the guys who have been in the office for too long, are wearing plaid. I'm wearing a light blue plaid, the other new guy is wearing an orange plaid, my old Project Manager is wearing a gray plaid, and the engineer in the office next to mine, a brown/red plaid.

Every once in a while, I'll wear plaid and steel-toes to the zoo. Having your toenails painted blue in your boots is kinda like going up to the jobsite wearing panties. Very very naughty.

From the Home Office in lovely Benicia, CA...

James [last name deleted], EIT

 

ENGINEERING BADASSES (standing, L-R)

Errol, George, Rick, Chris, VP Pat, Dale

(seated)

Lynn

You think *you're* annoyed by the Bon Jovi MIDI?  How do you think I feel?  Shit, it was cute @ first, now i just wanna cock-punch myself for putting it there.

And don't leave me comments telling me to remove it, don't you think i've thought of that already?

It's like drinking Fernet.  Somewhat unpleasant, but once I realize that it's something I *must* do then my sense of duty and obligation kicks in and then i'm good-to-go.  Sound odd?  There are many things we have to do but don't like, so best to prepare for these things. 

Isn't drinking a Fernet or 5 every now and then or listening to Living on a Prayer mere child's play now, compared to say maybe being shipped to Dayton, OH for a period of around nine months for work? 

Pretty shitty, huh?  Mindy, two more Fernets, please:  w/a lime for Grace, and w/a ginger ale for jimmy.  Err, *James* rather...

Hope all is well,

James, EIT

F***. I remember what I had wanted to post earlier before I got distracted by Emily-Mindy spanking fantasies.

On the metrosexual front, I have removed teh blue nail polish from my toes and find that another pedicure would be nice. Also, I got my back waxed tonight. at the same place where I got my pedicure.

I'm not a metrosexual, contrary to what you might think now after reading that last bit. No sir. I am an engineer, and as such, prone to fits of social ineptitude and/or fashion mismatches.

I wore black Steel-toed boots today w/a brown belt!!!

Well shit, I knew i wasn't supposed to. but the fact of the matter is, I still did, and therefore have demonstrated that I am not a metrosexual. Talk to mitch and petros, they seem to have more beauty products than I do

And yes, I did just purchase a tester bottle of Candie's for Men, but it was for sentimental reasons which if you've been keeping score of the jimmy-game will allow you to answer this question:

Mikhaila/Crystal always smelled like a combination of Candie's for Women and what?

Thanks for playing along there at home. I'm fucking tired.

all my love,
James

OK mindy... I've gone ahead and e-mailed a few other people, and with luck, they too will be checking out this my blog.

but once they get here, they're gonna say, "dude, james, this blog sucks ass. There isn't even a mindy story."



WHEN MINDY MET EMILY

So we (Petros and myself) took our favorite waitress Mindy to Showgirls for Three-dollar wednesday. I cannot speak for petros, but Emily is my most favoritest waitress between the H-Club and the Cabaret. Mindy is a close second.

The nice thing about Emily is that she is always checking on you. And it has evolved to the point that she can recognize any potential jimmy-drunkenness and will attempt to stave off the inevitable with ice water. Petros likes his ice water w/a slice of lime, instead of a lemon. Emily need not be reminded of this.

We didn't take Mindy to the Cabaret to offer her tips on her waitressing prowess. Tony the doorman simply seated us in the waitress's section he knew we always wanted to sit in. Oh little did Emily know that Mindy would be watching her like a hawk. A little bitchy, spiteful hawk.

A little spiteful bitchy hawk who drinks a lot.

Anycrap, so we're building up Emily, partly because she's a badass, and partly to make Mindy feel bad. But what does Emily do, but fuck up the water. This does not escape Mindy, no sir, not for a second.

Up until this point, Emily has been golden. But no, the minute Mindy sits down, Emily gets hosed.

I was drinking vodka-red bulls that night, because it is a Chenelle-drink (those of you reading this know if you have a designated drink). 'Trose orders a rum and coke, and what does emily bring but another vodka-red bull. Dammit.

Oh mindy's wet with emily-bashing excitement. yessir.

At one point, she picks up petros's empty vodka-red bull, sniffs it and says "Ooh, this is a good rum and coke. OH WAIT!"

it was just about the meanest thing I'd ever seen in my entire life.

And now I fear that Mindy has usurped Emily. Only time will tell

OK time for jimmy sleep. Nobody else reading this keeps engineer hours.

James, Engineer-in-Training

HOLY CHRIST WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?

I couldn't open a stupid 20oz bottle of Dr. Pepper.  Tried my left hand, remembered I was right-handed, tried my right hand.  No dice.  Had to use a funky-ass angle before I could do it.

I think I'm losing it.  Fortunately for me, i have an online forum on which I can relay my degeneration slowly to my friends.  which reminds me, i should inform my friends of my newfound online forum.

For some reason, things like "I can't open my dr. pepper" seem more important when you can blog about them.  Nevermind that Mindy is still the only one reading at this point.  Does that diminish or devalue the blog?  Because it's Mindy?  yes.  because it's only one person?  no. 

If a tree falls in the forest but only the Mindee!!! is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  (No, cabron, the tree, not the Mindee!!!)  Probably not. 

Tio Jaime, EIT

UBER-FUCKING RETARDED!!!  XANGA.COM CAN EAT ME!!!  UP YOURS YOU BASTARD-HOLES LEARN TO FUCKING FORMAT!!!  AAAAAHHHH!!!

You want pictures, dammit?  Fuckin' Mindy, dude!!!  "James, send me the pictures!"  "James, buy Premium you cheap bastard!" "Jimmy, why do you want the rest of my coworkers to spank you but not me?" "Emily is a skank!  How's your water w/lime now you asshole?"

Holy sheep shit, here you go!!!

http://www.rhothetaphi.org/mindee

http://www.rhothetaphi.org/newyears

http://www.rhothetaphi.org/georgia

Work is going surprisingly well.  It's shaping up to be quite the pleasant day. 

all my love,

James, EIT

Ok this is retarded.  Stupid Internet Explorer can't even display a stupid blog as well as Safari on my Mac can.  Fucking retarded.  I now have to change font size so it doesn't look craptacular.

And, Mindy, did you not catch the MIDI of Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer"?  That's *brilliant* what's wrong w/you that you don't appreciate that?  I was gonna put Ace of Base, but i didn't because i was afraid you were gonna laugh at me.  And then what would i do?

Work is kinda sucktastic, and the brass keeps walking by, so maybe i should stop here...

Miss you much, and enjoy this blog while it is exclusively yours to read.

James

In San Jose right now, waiting for laundry to dry.

At the 880/101 interchange, i missed the exit for 101S. Had to go to Coleman, turn around, head back to the interchange. See how safe that was? Instead of hitting the breaks and forcing my way into the queue I spent a few more minutes out of my life and insured the safety and well being of my fellow San Joseans.

Ooh, my laundry's dry. gonna go fold

James

What the hell is wrong w/the carriage returns on this stupid website?  fuck dude, it's a good thing this shit is free.  thank God i'm not a momo enough to actually purchase this shit...

Oh, hey mindy!

You complete me,

James

Hi Mindy!!!

 

You're the only goddam person who might ever read this, you know...

 

On a related note, I would like to be spanked by Emily...

 

all my love,

James

Hmm, shit... it appears as if I've signed up for a blog.

I'm gonna take a dump because i'm headed out to dinner soon.

oh what's this shit? "Xanga Premium includes a spell checker" eh? fuck that, i don't need no goddam spell checker! Besides, do I really want a spell checker that keeps reminding me that dope-tastic and retardo-licious and mangina aren't real words?

Yeah that's right, xanga, I will ruin your shit.

Which reminds me, gotta go drop the kids off @ the pool...

All my love,
James