Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Talkin' Movies...
Saw War of the Worlds last night. Good flick, pretty much what you'd expect from a movie about aliens shooting shit up. No boobies, but i wasn't even looking for any.
Practically speaking, if aliens were trying to exterminate the human race, I think many more of our species would be naked with each other, making the beast with two backs-- alien vaporization be damned. But no, none of that. Just aliens and running from aliens and outsmarting aliens and [spoiler]
shoving hand grenades into aliens.
[/spoiler] Nice that unlike Independence Day, it didn't involve a fuity Jeff Goldblum flying an alien craft into an alien mothership and uploading a human virus with an Apple Macintosh.
And yes, "fruity Jeff Goldblum" is redundant. Eff that shitty actor.
Went to see "The Great Raid" over the weekend w/my folks and my little brother and my grandfather. My other grandfather (paternal, passed away in 1989-90?, engineer) was actually in the Bataan Death March when he was an officer in the Philippine Army. Was almost left for dead by Japanese occupation forces. The difference between real life and the movie was probably that back during WWII they probably didn't look as Korean as they did this past weekend.
Cool moment: my grandfather and i were the only ones in the theater laughing when the sergeant emptied his revolver into the already dead Japanese-dude. If we had any sense of shame, I wouldn't have immortalized that little filipino-tidbit here on TJA1. I wanted to yell "Don't fuck with America, you fuckin' Gookers!" but my mom was sitting three seats away. And I don't think that the outside world has the same sense of humor as you readers do. Thank God.
And it could've been because I was up at 6 that morning taking a friend to the airport, but more likely because they Pearl Harbored the movie up. They started diluting the story with some faggy romance crap, sans Faith Hill. Consequently, I fell asleep. I think i started snoring when it got kinda slow and drama-tastic.
Luckily I woke up right before they started shooting shit up. And ooh yeah, that was some cool shit-shooting-up.
And much to my dismay, I found in the closing credits that the chick in the movie was Gladiator's Connie Nielsen! Dammit! The one thing that would've kept me awake and they didn't even tell me until after the shooting part. WTF. Oh, and speaking of chicks, WTF was up w/the Filipinas in the movie? They were all janky! Not a good looking one in the bunch! Well, except for the nurse (heh) who was shot somewhere in the middle, but that's it.
Anyway, final word? Go see War of the Worlds. Don't see The Great Raid even if you're the biggest Connie Nielsen fan in the world.
Charlie and the Chocolate Poop Museum update: good review here. This actually pretty much sums up my feelings towards the new Wonka iteration. Entertaining movie, but Johnny Depp ruins quite a bit of it.
Review brings up a good point. Why change the name back to "Charlie and the Poop Chute" when your star plays Willy Wonka? Why not just stick to "Willy Wonka and the Poop Chute"? Were you afraid we'd compare Gene Wilder with Johnny Depp if you didn't rename the movie? Need I point out to you that we did anyway?
You want to be entertained for a couple of hours? Go see War of the Worlds. Don't waste your time with this Chocolate Factory diarrhea of the mind.
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith
Practically speaking, if aliens were trying to exterminate the human race, I think many more of our species would be naked with each other, making the beast with two backs-- alien vaporization be damned. But no, none of that. Just aliens and running from aliens and outsmarting aliens and [spoiler]
shoving hand grenades into aliens.
[/spoiler] Nice that unlike Independence Day, it didn't involve a fuity Jeff Goldblum flying an alien craft into an alien mothership and uploading a human virus with an Apple Macintosh.
And yes, "fruity Jeff Goldblum" is redundant. Eff that shitty actor.
Went to see "The Great Raid" over the weekend w/my folks and my little brother and my grandfather. My other grandfather (paternal, passed away in 1989-90?, engineer) was actually in the Bataan Death March when he was an officer in the Philippine Army. Was almost left for dead by Japanese occupation forces. The difference between real life and the movie was probably that back during WWII they probably didn't look as Korean as they did this past weekend.
Cool moment: my grandfather and i were the only ones in the theater laughing when the sergeant emptied his revolver into the already dead Japanese-dude. If we had any sense of shame, I wouldn't have immortalized that little filipino-tidbit here on TJA1. I wanted to yell "Don't fuck with America, you fuckin' Gookers!" but my mom was sitting three seats away. And I don't think that the outside world has the same sense of humor as you readers do. Thank God.And it could've been because I was up at 6 that morning taking a friend to the airport, but more likely because they Pearl Harbored the movie up. They started diluting the story with some faggy romance crap, sans Faith Hill. Consequently, I fell asleep. I think i started snoring when it got kinda slow and drama-tastic.
Luckily I woke up right before they started shooting shit up. And ooh yeah, that was some cool shit-shooting-up.
And much to my dismay, I found in the closing credits that the chick in the movie was Gladiator's Connie Nielsen! Dammit! The one thing that would've kept me awake and they didn't even tell me until after the shooting part. WTF. Oh, and speaking of chicks, WTF was up w/the Filipinas in the movie? They were all janky! Not a good looking one in the bunch! Well, except for the nurse (heh) who was shot somewhere in the middle, but that's it.
Anyway, final word? Go see War of the Worlds. Don't see The Great Raid even if you're the biggest Connie Nielsen fan in the world.
Charlie and the Chocolate Poop Museum update: good review here. This actually pretty much sums up my feelings towards the new Wonka iteration. Entertaining movie, but Johnny Depp ruins quite a bit of it.
| "But what should have been its selling point is its liability. Depp’s one-joke performance makes the film a confection with a hollow center" |
|---|
| On perhaps a subconscious level, Burton made the title change because in his film young Charlie, as played by Freddie Highmore, is far more captivating than reclusive candy man Willy Wonka. What makes this both a disappointment and a shock is that Burton tapped his friend Johnny Depp to play Wonka. Depp has been on a winning streak since “Pirates of the Caribbean,” and two of his most brilliant early performances were in Burton’s “Edward Scissorhands” and “Ed Wood.” Knowing this, you expect a performance to be savored longer than an Everlasting Gobstopper. The ultimate quirky actor playing the ultimate quirky character. Potential damage to children’s psyches aside, what could go wrong? Unfortunately, actor and role short-circuit each other. Depp’s Willy Wonka is a gimmick instead of a character. His performance is a collection of ticks and tricks. He’s Emo Phillips playing Howard Hughes, a clockwork recluse in a sugarplum prison of his own design. That’s not to say Depp isn’t funny. He often is. But his Wonka is just a joke clothed in a purple coat and top hat. Watching Depp push too hard makes you appreciate how marvelous Wilder was as Wonka. Wilder delightfully slid between sane and barmy, but beyond the weirdness you sensed a brilliant mind, and beyond that a person. The magic emanating from Wilder brought the chocolate factory to life. In the new film, the magic of the chocolate factory threatens to crush Depp. Aside from Depp, almost everything else in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” is an improvement on the older film. |
You want to be entertained for a couple of hours? Go see War of the Worlds. Don't waste your time with this Chocolate Factory diarrhea of the mind.
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith
